Clean

I cannot believe its been almost 2 years since I blogged :( I recently came across this and I immediately dove in and started reminiscing and reading how seriously clouded my vision was. But it's good because it made me see how far I have come. I haven't openly talked about my divorce because I didn't want to be that girl who threw her business at the world. I found myself in an extremely toxic marriage and realized that PTSD is some serious you know what. I figured out that I was worth more than how I was treated. I wish him the best in his recovery and future I just knew it wasn't going to be with me. With that being said here I sit now in my own home with my career and family stronger than ever I have taken on some new things. Vitamins . I know weird right ? But I want to focus on being clean and healthy. I've taken on meditation and soul searching. Ive started praying And for you All who know me know I havent prayed for almost 10 years I've found out a lot about myself. I'm not perfect. Actually I'm way way far from that. I'm human. My hair looks crazy in the morning , I fall ALOT,I laugh when i shouldn't and never cry anymore. I'm forgetful and sleep too much . But you know what I'm literally ok with all of that for the first time in my life. 23 years and I can say that the experiences I've been through have totally made me the woman I am . My career feels solid and I've really enjoyed working at the amounts that I do. I got so lost along the way I couldn't feel a thing and it was starting to become apparent. So I cleansed my soul. Sounds so silly but I did it. I rid myself of people I didn't feel we cared about my genuine well being. Another addition to my life is Michael. I know many thing that I moved too quickly into a relationship but you see he's been one of the closest people to me through the past year. 6 months later I decided if I didn't snatch him up that I would sincerely lose out in possibly one of the sweetest things in my life. And I wasn't going to do that. 36 years old and two kids i had never experienced life with someone who was either or had kids. But I love his maturity and girls. They have opened up my eyes to what's important. He has goals. And he accomplishes them. He cares about me happy or sad good or bad. I've figured out the difference between a boy and a man. My family surprisingly has taken a liking to him and nephew loved him which is the kicker to me. So I'm taking chances and doing things I thought would not work for me. And finding that that's what I've been missing this whole time. I want to let everyone thats thinking that life doesn't go on after tragedy or loss ,it does. You have to make changes.